Movie still courtesy of Odd Film Stills on Tumblr, from The First Time (2012).
i do not want to have you
– Rupi Kaur, milk and honey
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete
i could light a whole city
and then
i want to have you
cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire
I’m excited. To meet you, to get to know you, to spend time with you. Maybe I’ve already met you, or maybe we already know each other like the back of our hands. But either way, I look forward to it and growing with you. And I hope you’re excited too!
I’ve always been a hopeless romantic. I love love – talking about it, seeing it, and falling into what could be. There’s so much to learn in relationships, not only between lovers but in friendships as well. You learn how to love, and how you love; you learn what works for you and what you deserve. It’s all about growth – as an individual, and as a partner, lover, or friend.
The whole experience of meeting and exploring something completely new is so exciting to me. But, as exciting as it is, isn’t there a fear that you may open yourself too much to the wrong person? Fear that they might take your emotions, as pure as they are, and leave you with wallowing regret and emotional scars? And isn’t that scary?
But why would I be scared of something I supposedly love? Perhaps I’m afraid to lose myself in the midst of the drama and excitement. Or perhaps too many people I’ve let in have left me high and dry, and I’ve developed trust issues. Maybe it’s a combination of both, or maybe it’s something else entirely.
Throughout most relationships, you go through the highest of highs and lowest of lows. These moments don’t just go away though; whether you want it or not, these moments stick with you. Sometimes they hold you back, but most of the time, they help you grow into a better person and even a better lover.
For him…
I want you to know that I have my fair share of emotional baggage. I don’t say this to scare you, but to remind you that I’m only human and I have demons that I’m dealing with. I would like to ask you to please understand and be patient with me when I spiral off in my own thoughts, because believe me, it’s not you, it’s me. I promise you that I am trying to be the best version of myself, not only for you, but for myself as well.
In addition to this, I want you to know that no matter what, I want to be nothing but supportive of you, as a friend and a lover. You deserve happiness as much as I do, and I believe that we both have to pull our weight in this two-way street. So I want to remind you that you are important, your feelings are valid, and I am here for you – whatever you need, whenever you’re ready.
I’m gonna be honest with you from the start. I care too much about people and I love way too hard. Perhaps you’ll find it overbearing or needy. But I also put a guard up when people try to care for me, because I’m wary about their intentions. Please know that I’m trying my best and I’d love to productively share these things with you. There’s no way of crossing these bridges without mutual communication with one another.
And finally, I want to say that I’m excited to grow with you. Maybe we’ll meet in 10 years, or maybe we’ll cross paths tomorrow. I look forward to getting to know you.
Related: The Weary Cycle of Relationships
Her Glassroom 